I puked a lego.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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