help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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