i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
