When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
