I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
