Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
