I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
