I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
