Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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