ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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