Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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