lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
