K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
