i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
