my mouth tastes like poor choices
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
