and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
