you guys were way drunker than both of me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
