Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
