turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
