you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
