New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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