Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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