wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
