My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
