I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
