I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
