isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
