I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
