I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
