it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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