Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize