Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
