don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
