I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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