8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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