ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
