Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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