My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
