how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize