i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
