I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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