Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
