just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
