I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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