Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
