I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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