My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
