It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
