I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
