well you can't waste a boner
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
