Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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