My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
