I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
