were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
