since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
