thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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