All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
