is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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