his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
