why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
