I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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