DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
