the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize