it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
