Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
