Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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