It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think people are normalizing furries
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
