When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
