I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
