My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
