You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
