There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
