no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He felt like a one man threesome
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
